Dealing with self-harm
Some reasons that people give for why they self -harm includes “It helps me to release tension”, “It gives me a sense of mastery over a difficult situation I am facing”, “It is my way out”, “In a funny way it makes me feel as if I am in control”. Although those that self-harm provide a variety of reasons as to why they do it, very often deep feelings of self-loathing, despair and hopelessness are at the heart of this issue. Often, it is in response to coping with an intolerable reality.
When self-harming becomes an established habit, you may find it hard to imagine a life without it. For some, it can become a reliable and trusted “friend” which that individual may defend. For example, to the observer self-harming may be seen as being detrimental to the individual however they might not see it this way and when others encourage them to seek help they may decline. Individuals who self-harm may use this as a way of coping with distress, which may cause them to struggle with giving it up as it serves a purpose and has meaning for them. However, as the name suggests, when you do engage in self-harm you are in fact harming yourself and metaphorically it can be seen as a sign that you are suffering distress. When this distress is observed by others in your life, their deep sense of concern will motivate them to try and find appropriate help for you.
If you are dealing with self-harm, the first step to recovery is to understand what it is that makes you want to self-harm and implementing distraction techniques when they arise. Learning the patterns of your self-harm can help you recognise the factors that contribute towards it. You can do this by reflecting after you have self-harmed and breaking down your experience. Often people find that particular thoughts, feelings or situations lead them to want to self-harm such as feelings of sadness or anger, anniversaries and negative thoughts. Making note of these when the you feel like you want to self-harm is one way to help recognise when these factors arise.
Once you are able to identify these factors which may cause you to self-harm, you can work on implementing strategies to help you avoid doing so. Distraction techniques are an effective way to help give yourself some time out and reduce your desire to self-harm. There are a wide range of different ways you can distract yourself and some can be more suiting to different feelings. Some examples are:
Anger and frustration - if you are experiencing feelings of anger and frustration, activities such as exercising, tearing up some papers, hitting a cushion or shouting in your room can help to express those emotions and distract you from thoughts of self-harm. Similarly for feelings.
Loss of control – tasks such as writing lists, tidying up your space or writing a letter expressing your feelings and tearing it up are distractive techniques that can help you to feel more in control and reduce thoughts of self-harm.
Sadness or fear – spending time with an animal or in the garden, walking through a park or expressing your feelings to others can help to reduce feelings of sadness or fear.
Self-hatred or self-punishment – distraction techniques such as writing yourself a letter expressing the negative feelings towards yourself, then write another one expressing as much compassion and acceptance as you can, exercise and expressing these negative feelings through creative ways such as through art or poetry can help to distract away from direct feelings of self-hatred and self-punishment and reduce thoughts of self-harm.
You may need to seek professional support if you find that after implementing the above you are still struggling to deal with your self-harming habits. By implementing the above tools and receiving professional support, you are likely to see slow gradual improvements in the way you feel and deal with various situations.