Coping with loss and grief during the Covid-19 pandemic

The loss of a loved one is regarded as one of the most difficult emotional events that we experience in our lives. The resulting pain and grief we feel can often seem completely overwhelming. 

 What is grief?

Grief is often portrayed as one feeling, but it is actually a range of emotions and reactions which affect how we think and behave after the loss of a loved one. It is personal and will vary depending on the relationship you had with your loved one, the circumstances surrounding their death and your experiences after. Grief often continues long after the loss that triggers it. 

Although extremely painful, grief is an entirely normal response to losing a loved one and is a way of helping us heal. Whilst life may never be the same again, grief helps us to readjust and cope with life following the loss of a loved one. It helps us find ways of maintaining our bond with our loved one, even though they are no longer physically with us. 

Loss during the Covid-19 Pandemic

Losing someone during the Covid-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.  Many of us are having to self-isolate or socially distant from our friends and family. Talking to friends and family can be one of the most helpful ways to cope after the loss of a loved one. Due to Covid-19, you may find yourself physically alone following your loss which can increase feelings of loneliness and abandonment. 

People who have experienced the death of someone close often describe feeling some or all of the following feelings and thoughts, due to Covid-19 and social distancing measures, additional feelings and thoughts may also be experienced. 

·     Shock, numbness or disbelief, especially immediately afterwards when people often report difficulty accepting or believing what has happened. this may be especially true during the pandemic, when you may not have the opportunity to see your loved one at the time of death or afterwards. 

·     anguish and despair, which can be accompanied by real pain and physical heartache as the reality of the loss sinks in. this may be increased as a result of not being able to have a full funeral during the pandemic. you may feel that the death has not been formally marked, that the person hasn’t ‘had the send-off they deserved’. It does not give a sense of ‘closure’ nor brings community support. 

·     anger and irritability and the associated questioning of ‘Why did this have
to happen?’. this can include feeling that the death was untimely (even if expected) because it has been caused by the pandemic. this may also arise from feeling like the death of an older person is considered less important than for younger people during the pandemic. anger can result in feeling that someone is to ‘blame’ for the death. for example, oneself for infecting the person, or people who are not social distancing, and government policies. 

·     restlessness or agitation, which are some of the typical physical side-effects of grief. for example, trouble sleeping or difficulty concentrating. 

·     longing or yearning for the person who has died. this normal part of grief is often associated with thinking that they have seen or heard the person who has died, and while this can be an upsetting experience, it should not cause alarm. 

·     loneliness, even when surrounded by others. this may be increased by being in isolation or having more limited contact with family and friends due to the restrictions in place. 

·      guilt, for things they may have/have not said or done. there can also be guilt that you are still alive when your loved one has died.

·     Worry or fear for what lies ahead. there may be ongoing worry about your own health, or for other family members concerning Covid-19 infection. this may delay the reality of your loss due to being distracted by worries for others. 

How may your behaviour change as a result of these thoughts and feelings?

Given the global impact of Covid-19, it is hard to escape from information about its impact and the losses that others are experiencing. Activities such as watching the news on television, reading newspaper articles, and spending a lot of time scrolling and reading things online on social media platforms may bombard you with information that will trigger your own feelings of sadness. you may feel overwhelmed by the wider losses and need to take some time out from such information in order to concentrate on looking after yourself and your own loss. This can make you feel guilty but remember to be kind to yourself. In grief, you can only do the best you can. 

Grief affects not just our emotional wellbeing but can have an impact on physical health as well. You may notice changes in your sleep and appetite. 

It is normal to feel tired, often simply because of the intense emotions and stress experienced. While this may increase your need for sleep, you may experience disrupted sleep and struggle to have an uninterrupted night’s rest. 

You may notice:

·     Fatigue or tiredness

·     Being more prone to colds and minor illnesses. These may cause increased anxiety when you are more vigilant to worries about infection and contracting Covid-19. 

·     losing enthusiasm for your normal activities

·     being forgetful or having difficulty concentrating on day-to-day activities. 

How might you cope with the loss of your loved one?

Each individual person will cope with the loss of a loved one in their own way, and it is important to remember there is no ‘correct’ way to grieve. Usually, you are initially kept busy with tasks such as arranging the funeral or sorting out the personal affairs of your loved one. The Covid-19 pandemic may mean that some of these tasks are restricted, and therefore the onset of grief may be much quicker. 

You may find that you can cope by yourself, however, you may need the support from others. This support can come from your family and friends, but also other sources such as your local community or from a health/social care professional. Whilst you may appreciate some time alone, it can be helpful to avoid withdrawing from others. The pandemic may make it easier to become more isolated and withdrawn, when your energy and interest in connecting with others is low. it may be additionally important to help yourself connect by having set times to communicate with family and friends and encourage yourself to engage even when you don’t really feel in the mood. 

Returning to normal activities can help you to re-establish your routine. it is important to eat regular meals and take adequate rest so that your body can keep going. these steps will help you to feel more in control. other activities such as taking some light exercise or doing something relaxing, such as taking a bath or listening to soothing music, may be beneficial.

Here are some helpful suggestions following the loss of a loved one:

·     If you feel like crying, don’t prevent yourself from doing so. This is a normal way of releasing your feelings and is not a sign of weakness. 

·     Try to stick to a healthy diet and engage in some form of exercise. Avoid unhealthy practices and dependencies such as: fast food, alcohol, medicine, drugs etc. which negatively impact on overall health and wellbeing. 

·     As time passes, you will be reassured that any worries you had about forgetting your loved one are unfounded and that they will always be an important part of your life and memories. Keepsakes, such as photographs or other possessions, may be painful to look at early on, but can provide much comfort in the future 

·     If the intensity of your feelings affects your daily life, do not hesitate to seek support from others and contact your GP.