Are you a bully?
Sometimes, we realise difficult things about ourselves. Have you noticed yourself blowing up at others or lashing out and people when you don’t get what you want or need? If so, you could be bullying those around you. Whilst that can be hard to accept, it is commendable that you are looking for ways to stop bullying others. It is important to understand how we hurt others and how to stop this harmful behaviour.
· Does hurting other people or taking their things make you feel better?
· Do you avoid thinking how your hurtful words and actions may make someone else feel?
· Have you been bullied before and now feel like you have to make up for it by bullying others?
· Have you used being bigger/stronger/smarter than others your age to get your way?
· Have you purposefully tried to make someone feel bad?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a bully. When you’re the bully, you may experience feelings of worthlessness.
Why are you bullying?
There are lots of reasons why people bully others. A lot of individuals who are bullies have been through trauma in their life and have difficulty in understanding, controlling and expressing tough emotions like fear and anger and this can often lead to making poor choices in their behaviour, including bullying others. Research has also shown that bullying is a learnt behaviour and is often used as a coping mechanism for a stressful situation. In addition, some people may bully others because they are competitive or do not understand their lifestyle choices. For others, they are encouraged to bully by their friends and do it because they don’t want to be bullied themselves or left out. Once you are able to understand why you bully others, this will give valuable insight on how to stop being a bully.
How to stop being a bully
1. Apologise
Say you’re sorry to those you’ve bullied and follow it up by being friendly to them. They probably won’t trust you right away, but sooner or later they will see you’re for real.
2. Remove yourself from groups of people who reward you for bullying others.
Chances are you don’t actually want to be hurting others but feel you have to, remove yourself from the situation and reduce the negative influences on your behaviour. Tell someone you trust you need help handling the situation if they continue to peer pressure you.
3. Boost YOUR self-esteem
Bullies often have low self-esteem themselves which is why it’s important to explore ways to boost your self-esteem. Find a new hobby, volunteer, get involved with a sport or in a group.
4. Talk to someone
If you’re feeling like you’re having trouble controlling your feelings, such as anger, talk to someone. Your parents, a school counsellor or teacher, or a friend.
Also remember that if you are being bullied yourself, responding with force and aggression is not the best way to end the cycle. Bullying a bully is still bullying.