How to manage feeling that your life has been put on hold due to Covid-19
Many of us have a ‘life plan’, when we want to reach particular milestones such as achieving a specific job role, buying a house, getting married and having children and we often put age goalposts on these milestones e.g. “I want to be married by the time I’m 30”.
Unfortunately, as much as we try to plan our entire lives, things don’t always turn out as expected and this can lead to disappointment and frustration.
The Coronavirus pandemic and consequent restrictions on our work and social lives has ‘thrown a spanner in the works’ for many of our life plans, many people would have had significant life events planned for 2020/21 such as starting University, getting married, taking the next step in their career or even going on holiday which have all be altered due to Covid-19. With this disruption of your expected life trajectory and the lack of control over it may lead you to feel a sense of grief and that your life is somewhat on hold. These feelings are entirely normal, we are living in uncertain times and many people will be feeling the same way.
Here are some ways to help you manage your feelings:
1. Identify your emotions
You may have been feeling down because you’ve had to, for example, reschedule your wedding. Take a moment to sit with those feelings and realise how you’re actually feeling about the situation. If you’re struggling to identify them, jot your thoughts down and read it back to yourself. How do you feel about it? What emotions come up when you think of it? What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your plans that you’ve had to rearrange? Allowing yourself to experience the emotions can be cathartic. Be compassionate, understanding and kind with yourself, it is okay to be disappointed and upset. Try to factor in little treats for yourself such as enjoying a new book or game, watching your favourite film or whatever gives you pleasure and helps you to relax.
2. Focus on positivity
Although your life may not have gone as planned in 2020/21 think about what good has come out of it. Perhaps putting your plans on hold has enabled you to spend time with your family? To try something new? To meet new friends in the form of your neighbours? Take time to note down things you’re grateful for amongst the sadness that surrounds us all currently.
3. Avoid negative thought cycles
When things don’t go to plan, it can be easy to fall into negative thinking. This refers to a thought pattern that instantly focuses on either; “bad things always happen to me and will keep happening”, “other people are to blame” (for example in the case of Coronavirus, the Prime Minister or China), or “it’s out of my hands, I can’t change it so there is no point in trying to.” These thoughts can lead to us feeling hopeless and isolated.
When it comes to the Coronavirus pandemic, it can be normal to have these thoughts. It is important to recognise these thoughts if you experience them and to try to focus on a solution instead, such as ‘I’ll rearrange the wedding for next year when all of my loved ones can attend’, ‘I’ll take courses to improve my skills and help with the job search’ or ‘I will make plans for my holiday in the future’. Recognising that others are experiencing the same feelings and thoughts and that this will not go on for ever, can help you to balance your thinking and feel less isolated, ‘it is happening to everyone’, ‘this situation will pass’. Changing how you structure your thoughts can help you feel to better about the situation and to feel like you have a little more more control over your life.
4. Don’t self-sabotage
We all deal with loss and emotions in different ways. Try not to self-sabotage by taking out your stress either on yourself or on your partner or family. This will only lead to more upset and may hurt relationships that you don’t intend to damage.
Speak to your loved ones about how you’re feeling but try not to blame or argue if they don’t understand or feel a different way to you.
5. Take a break
It’s been a tough year for everyone, especially those who have had to postpone or cancel big goals or events. Lockdowns and restrictions can be tough mentally and physically, so try to focus on finding happy moments and practicing self-care (whatever that may mean to you). Don’t pressure or stress yourself into working extra hard to tick off other goals in an attempt to mask the upset from the life events on hold.
6. Confide in someone
Rather than internalising your feelings, try to find someone who will listen to your concerns without judgement. If you find you are experiencing negative thoughts it can be helpful to discuss them out loud, to acknowledge them and have support in managing and balancing your perspective on current events.
7. Seek professional guidance
You may have tried all of the above and still feel very low and may be struggling to cope with these feelings on your own. You may find it useful to contact your GP for advice on local services available to you.